I Like Silly Acronyms
New year is looking great so far... not...
Published on January 9, 2005 By Danny Bassette In Home & Family
       I am going to make a prediction now that I hope ends up being wrong: Sometime in the next oh, month sounds good, I'm going to stop blogging, whether I want to or not.
       Today's sunday, so my parents do their whole I really should go to church thing again. Happens every sunday, they say I should go, I tell them I'm not going. But this time was different. This time they came across much more forcefully. As in things are going to be changing soon. And they almost said one of the things that would change what I do too.
       They say that things need to change, that it's wrong of me to do what I do, and they are right. But I'm not going to talk to them about it. Sure, that's stubborn and wrong of me, but they will be the last people in the world I talk to, at least so long as things go like they are. I almost think I've figured out why too, which in itself would be enough of an accomplishment from their standpoint to shut them up for a while, at least if they practice what they preach.
       I desperatly seek approval from those I interact with. Good, bad, or indifferent, it's the way I work (or at least I think it is which is close enough). But I do not want their approval, I do not want to conform to their desires. I want to have my own life, not theirs. Which I'm sure is normal for anyone still living under their parents roof. The problem comes when what I would want to do matches what they would want me to do and I can't do it without them knowing and showering me with praise. Which I don't want, not from them, not now.
       So I'll keep doing what I'm doing (namely trying to figure out what I'm doing) and they'll keep trying to get me to do what they want me to do while under their careful guidance (namely figure out what is wrong with me and tell them so they can be oh so happy and have me fixed). Notice the similarities in what each of us wants, it's practically the same thing. Yet notice the important difference, I want it for me, they want it for them. I am a stubborn fool (it runs in the family) and I will destroy myself before giving them what they want, at least for the sake of giving them what they want.
       But on the plus side, I am reasonably certain that when it comes down to it I will walk out (instead of picking a fight) and wander off to far away places that I will most likely fail to reach (instead of showing up at her place and getting myself arrested). Not exactly great big happiness, but I think that is a big improvement.
       So to recap, I am predicting problems that I don't see any productive way around in the relativly near future.

Comments
on Jan 09, 2005
Hmmmm...it's obviously more than you having to go to church that is bugging you... Before you do anything really rash, that you might regret...ask yourself the following questions;
1. Is this really worth leaving home over?
2. Can you afford to leave home?
3. Is it worth alienating your whole family from you by moving out?
4. Is there no way a compromise can be reached?

I was once in your position, a young man living home with my parents. I then married and had a family of my own. So.. i see where you are coming from, but from two perspectives, yours and your parents.
Bottom line Danny... please don't do anything that will hurt yourself or your family. Life is too short to have regrets like that.
on Jan 09, 2005
1 Yes, 2 No, 3 Already done, 4 Outcome unlikely
       I've been asking myself similar questions for years, but not being able to afford to live on my own, combined with trying to find another way (compromise if you will) is much of why I havn't left. The rest of why I havn't left had to do with what I thought I'd do when I left, but I'm not so worried about that anymore, which I think is good. Church is merely an example of a problem, put simply we don't know each other, I'm a stranger living in this house as it is.
       I think it would be a fair assessment that people here know me better then my parents. Sure my parents know more details about my past and such, but doesn't mean they know who I am, not now. Realisticlly I think all actions will hurt someone, the question is who and how much. And I have all too many regrets in my life as it is...
on Jan 09, 2005
And I have all too many regrets in my life as it is...


Don't add to them Danny.... do everything humanly possible to work out a compromise...perhaps even going as far as family councelling...it can do wonders. Sounds like your parents need a good getting to know you session...give them that chance. You turned out to be such a sweet, caring young man, i am sure they had something to do with that. They must be good people.
on Jan 09, 2005
Reply By: ManopeacePosted: Sunday, January 09, 2005Hmmmm...it's obviously more than you having to go to church that is bugging you... Before you do anything really rash, that you might regret...ask yourself the following questions;1. Is this really worth leaving home over?2. Can you afford to leave home?3. Is it worth alienating your whole family from you by moving out?4. Is there no way a compromise can be reached?I was once in your position, a young man living home with my parents. I then married and had a family of my own. So.. i see where you are coming from, but from two perspectives, yours and your parents.Bottom line Danny... please don't do anything that will hurt yourself or your family. Life is too short to have regrets like that.


once again mano hits the mark, my Question is a matter of TIME, how long is church?
Measure it against doing what you want to at home... subtact the church time from your private/pleasure time... see what ya come up with.

btw thank you for treating my wife so kindly.
on Jan 09, 2005
once again mano hits the mark,


Well thank you Mod... it's my job... I ty to be good at it.
on Jan 09, 2005
Moderateman: It's not the time, it's the philosophy. The every thing they think is right and going to church will magically make everything perfect and I am clearly wrong for even considering not going. I humor them on many things, but I consider religion too important a topic to humor them on. And yet we almost agree on it anyways, or so it seems to me. Oh well, is frustrating. And I was glad to help the mrs.
on Jan 09, 2005
I relate to a few things you said; I wish I had more personal way of sharing them (since I am not yet comfortable publicly blogging about certain circumstances going on in my life).
on Jan 10, 2005
Hey Danny sounds harsh So if i get it:

You dont know what to do, but you want to do whatever makes you happy. Your parents want you to do whatever makes them happy. The "whatever" could be the same thing for both clans, except you dont want to do something that makes them happy because you dont want to live a pre-planned-by-your-parents kinda life... Is that it?

Dont you think that whatever makes your parents happy is your well being, and your own happiness?

They think they know exactly what will make you happy, but the problem is they dont know you anymore. If you could show them what you are now, they might stop bugging you about 'do this, do that'. If you cant tell em to their face, do like me, right it down and make em read it. It's easier to write to someone than to actually talk to them. At least you can express as much as you want without them interrupting you.

I wish you all the best and hope things will finally work out for you my friend.

=HUGS=
on Jan 10, 2005
InBloom: Blogging is public, and nothing wrong with keeping some things personal. But if you still want to share, there is always email.
island_gurl12: Yeah, that sounds about right. Although I think it's more I don't want to do what they want because I want to know it's what I want, not just following their direction. And no, I don't think they necesarily want my wellbeing and happiness, only if certain conditions are met do they want that. On the other hand, if they knew me, they would try and help, it's what they do. Which isn't what I want, so could they help by leaving me alone? I doubt that, but since I'm not ready to talk to them I won't find out. Although writing is an idea, I'll have to think on that one. Unless they stumbled upon joeuser, that would be interesting...
on Jan 10, 2005
I don't guess I have any advice or anything. Just *hugs*.
on Jan 10, 2005
Thanks for the thought anyways
on Jan 10, 2005
No advice from me either, at least no good advice. It is sadly true that  some parents do not want what is best for their children. The trick is to find out what is best for you, preferably before you are forced into doing anything.  Getting out of the house might be a good thing, just try and have control over how and when and why and have a plan, if possible. Take care.