When Lurking Ends

and the trouble it causes me

Published on November 3, 2004 By Danny Bassette In Blogging

Now that i've delurkified myself i've noticed a problem here. From the point of view of you all (by this i mean the people i read often, i'm not going to claim i read everything here) i must appear a stranger. Yet from my point of view i know many of you (or at least the face you wear in your blogs, if there is a difference). Lurking was easy, no one knew me, or even knew of my existence. Yet now i feel as if i should comment on peoples blogs that i read, since i am no longer unknown. Yet what do i say that wouldn't come across as a stranger butting in where they have no business.
I'll take dharmagrl as an example (hope she doesn't mind). She posted about her son maybe having ADD and the pain that was causing her. I read this and felt that i should reply, yet what do i say? I can offer words of support, which would (in my mind at least) sound hollow coming from a stranger. I could offer my personal opinion, yet my opinion would be unsolicited. I could toss out stories about my younger brother who has ADD (or ADHD i'm not sure on the difference), yet it is her story, she doesn't need it belittled by my stories. So what did i do? Thought for a few minutes, hit refresh and noticed that the first few comments did everything i could have (and better said then i felt i could have).
But being a stranger is my problem, and it will go away as i comment/write more here. I'm sure you'll be nice enough to me in the meantime. After all, I know you

Comments

Manopeace

on Nov 03, 2004

coming from a stranger.

No one is a stranger here... we are a community!
Join in and be a part of it!

xtine

on Nov 03, 2004

I could offer my personal opinion, yet my opinion would be unsolicited.

I don't know about Dharma, but when I post something and comments are enabled, I am passively soliciting advice. So advise away!

dharmagrl

on Nov 03, 2004

I don't know about Dharma, but when I post something and comments are enabled, I am passively soliciting advice.

Dude, if I leave my blog open for comments, I WANT you to give me your 2 cent's worth. I'm open to all suggestions and comments, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think, even if you are only reiterating what someone else has said. If I want you to stop, I'll tell you so,..

and welcome to JU!

Floozie

on Nov 03, 2004

Welcome!

We all started out as unknowns here. Every single one of us. I don't know if you can ever pin point the moment where you all of a sudden feel comfortable as a member of the community, but it does happen, and it's great!

All comments are welcome. Dharma is pretty much the grand dame of this place so you've chosen a brilliant example in your article. Even if you have nothing new to add, just showing that you can empathise, or are even thinking about someone makes a big difference.

We're all here to interact with one another and have a nice time. And you are a very welcome addition to our little party.

Happy commenting!

Suz xxx

Hamster 311

on Nov 03, 2004

Hey, Danny, I'm a stranger here, too (but then again I'm a stranger most anywhere I go) - or at least, I'm a newbie here, but I have pondered the same questions.

...yet what do i say? I can offer words of support, which would (in my mind at least) sound hollow coming from a stranger. I could offer my personal opinion, yet my opinion would be unsolicited.

Remember, first of all, that if someone didn't want others to read and/or comment on their writing, they either wouldn't be posting it on the internet, or they would check the box that makes the article for their eyes only. It's also helpful to know that you can limit who reads an article to registered JoeUsers exclusively.

An important distinction for me is whether or not I should check the box that posts an article in forums, which I find quite different from simply posting in my blog. When I post in forums, I expect people to comment; when I post only in my blog, I am still open to comments, but not open to much debate. But really, I think if we weren't open to some sort of interaction with other readers, we'd simply keep journals on paper.

Sometimes it's just nice to know we've been heard/read by someone somewhere. Sometimes it's a blessing to know there is someone else who shares our sentiments or is simply sympathetic to our feelings. Still, there are times when I review the comments already left, where everything I wanted to say has already been said and I end up not saying anything anyway. That's part of the beauty of such a website, though. Nobody's holding a gun to my head either way.

Some of the voices around here were quite intimidating to me in the beginning, but then I realized that most of it was just people being passionate about their beliefs, nothing to really be intimidated by. Once I started interacting a bit, I was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone I've encountered here not only has a sense of humor, but is genuinely kind and good-natured.

PS - if someone really doesn't want you reading/commenting on their stuff, they can always blacklist you. Meg

Danny Bassette

on Nov 03, 2004

doh, i feel silly now (which is neither new nor bad). I forgot to mention that i have been lurking here for a while, at least a month, probably closer to three. This is not the first online community i've been part of and i am not intimidated by the more outspoken bloggers. Time for an analogy: it's like walking into a room of people that have never met/seen/heard of you, yet you've been stalking them all for months. I can't say how anyone else would respond, but i find it a little awkward. I am who I am, even if i don't know who that is (but that's a story for another time).
Thanks for the great comments/support. I knew i'd get them, since that's the type of place this is, but it's still nice to be told your welcome. Happy blogging

Danny Bassette

on Nov 03, 2004

yes little whip, i do know your a points whore. i've read enough of your articles to tell

there have been a few times i almost delurked to comment on them too. but dharma directly asked me to post in her article, so i did. of course, i had been thinking about delurking for the past few weeks anyways. hehe, now i have to decide if i should go back and find all the articles i liked and comment on them even if they are months old. probably not, seems too much like work

Ravenblack

on Nov 03, 2004

Welcome to the community, Danny!

citahellion

on Nov 03, 2004

Danny,

The best way to get past this awkward stage is to just start posting away on every article you can.

crimson

on Nov 03, 2004

way to go, Danny. I don't know for sure, but I think a lot of people here were former lurkers. It took me a good week or so before I started posting, and a couple of weeks before actually responding to comment in return.

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